How To Set And Communicate Your Boundaries
I used to think boundaries were for lazy people—the ones who didn't want to work as hard as I did. Setting boundaries always seemed like a complaint more than anything else. It took me a few years and almost burning out to understand that setting boundaries isn't just okay—it's essential for your success and well-being.
I also realized that many people have the wrong idea of what boundaries mean.
There's a common misconception that setting boundaries is somehow negative or limiting.
For high achievers especially, we often worry that setting boundaries will make people think we're not working hard enough. We may even see a boundary as a personal failure or an attack on our ego.
But in reality, boundaries are tools we use to decide how we want to live our lives and what standards we uphold.
Today, I want to talk about why setting boundaries can actually accelerate career growth, and how to communicate these boundaries so they are respected by managers, colleagues, and team members.
Do You Have Boundaries?
Boundaries aren't about what you don't want to do. Surprised? They're about creating an ideal work environment that allows you to do your best work.
Think of it this way: Top athletes have strict boundaries around their training, nutrition, and rest. These boundaries don't limit them—they empower them to perform at their peak. As an executive, you're a high performer, too. Your boundaries are what enable you to bring your A-game every day. They also help you protect your most valuable assets: time and mindset.
You need boundaries if you want to grow your career without burning out.
What Not To Do
At their core, boundaries define who has the power to make decisions about our lives.
But this is where we typically go wrong. We think someone is stealing our power when, in reality, we often just give it away.
It could be because we have people-pleasing tendencies or because we're worried saying no will have repercussions. Either way, boundaries become another uncomfortable conversation we don't want to have after a while, so we give up and live our lives by someone else's rules.
Unfortunately, this practice will only lead to resentment. Let's try something else.
How to Set Boundaries (For Career Growth)
Setting and maintaining boundaries is both an executive skill and a mindset practice. It requires clear communication, strategic thinking, and the confidence to prioritize what's truly important.
But how do you know what you need? You'll have to try and see.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some people never want to work weekends, while others like quiet reflection time. Some people prefer high-intensity days, while others prefer longer days but spaced out.
The goal is to choose what's right for you right now and incorporate these boundaries into your workday.
If you've never thought of boundaries before, here are a few questions to help you get started:
Define your boundaries from a positive place. Ask yourself: What does an ideal workday look like for me? What environment allows me to do my best work?
Reflect on your values: What core values guide your life and work?
Recall situations where you felt uncomfortable or compromised. How can you set boundaries to avoid these situations?
What would the best version of you believe and do?
Some of my work boundaries:
No work on Sundays
Answer emails within 48 hours
Don't send emails after 5 pm (even if I'm working)
Never skip (or book over) lunch
(As a woman) Don't make yourself the designated note-taker
Having set principles to guide you will make you feel more empowered and in control.
How to Communicate Your Boundaries
Some boundaries are better communicated in advance, while others are learned over time.
For example, things to communicate in advance to set expectations:
Work style
Working hours and preferences
Pet peeves/preferences
I often share these in an "about me" document (also referred to as a "manager readme"). If you've never seen one before, here are a few examples. It's like an operational guide that teaches people how to work with you.
I love being proactive and setting expectations in advance. For example, one thing I often share is my communication preferences. I let my team know that during the day, I prefer Slack or Teams messages for short answers, emails with a specific due date for deep dives and FYIs, and a phone call for emergencies or after hours.
These specific practices help me stay focused for longer periods without having to deal with constant pings and emails that create distractions.
Another way to communicate is reactively. When something challenges one of your boundaries, you can push back to maintain your boundaries.
During my time at Microsoft, I was invited to meetings at all hours of the day. Some days started at 7 am and ended at 11 pm. While I was excited to work for a global team, it started taking a toll.
Instead of just accepting the situation, I suggested a different solution.
I would dedicate one day a week to early calls and another to late-night calls. I would still respect the team's working hours, but I asked them to move all meetings with me to the same day. Surprisingly, I could move most meetings and create a much better balance.
And lastly, the loudest form of communication is how you act.
Setting boundaries is not just about what you say; it has more to do with what you do because how you let people treat you sets the real boundaries.
You can tell anyone who would listen what your boundaries are, but if you say that you don't take calls on Fridays and then make an exception again and again when your boss asks you to, you're teaching them that your boundaries mean nothing.
You have to respect your own rules, or no one else will. I'm not saying you'll never make exceptions; I show up when the CEO puts a meeting on my schedule. However, under every other circumstance, your goal should be to push back nicely but firmly and establish your boundaries.
Overcoming Boundary-Setting Challenges
Setting boundaries isn't always easy. You might worry it will backfire or be seen negatively. You might struggle with saying no or pushing back. And yes, some managers or leaders may resist your boundaries at first.
But remember: setting boundaries can improve your relationships at work. When you demonstrate respect for your time, others will respect you, too. You might even inspire your colleagues to set healthy boundaries of their own.
Don't believe me?
One of my coaching clients dealt with a particularly clingy manager who texted her every weekend, often with non-urgent matters. At first, she responded immediately, but it was ruining her weekends. So, we worked on changing her actions:
She started by not answering immediately, taking 2-3 hours instead.
Then, she began waiting until the end of the day to respond.
Finally, she replied, "I'll get back to you on Monday."
About 5 weeks later, the weekend texts stopped completely.
Don't assume you can't change the situation without even trying. Sometimes, a little bit of persistence can make a big difference.
And one last word of advice. Set the boundaries you need to do your best work, but be realistic enough to accept that sometimes you must be flexible. The goal is to establish an 80-20 ratio. Your boundaries stay intact 80% of the time, and you make exceptions 20% of the time.
Your next steps
Setting boundaries isn't about working less—it's about working smarter. It's about creating the conditions that allow you to bring your full potential to your role day after day.
If you're not practicing some healthy boundaries right now, take some time to think about what you need to thrive. Use the questions above to identify your boundaries and commit to applying at least one of them. Use it to experiment and test the waters and see how it works.
I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you.
Maya ❤️
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